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The Pool Party
A bikini party was off to a hot start, before Sydney decided to tell Joey about Maria’s tendency to bully. It only takes one bad apple to spoil a great pool party. I think the drama robbed some others from time with him and wasn’t needed. Sydney made something out of nothing. Clearly, neither Sydney or Maria have any chance to win, as he doesn’t want drama, and when you look at the history of the show, the drama queens NEVER win. One will go far, just to keep ratings up however.
The Talent Show
The first group date took us to a talent show were some of our favorites from The Golden Bachelor arrived too judge. The winner of the rose was Kelsey who walked away the winner because she really put herself out there and had fun. In these early episodes, that is the best approach you can have. Look good, have fun and stay off the radar.
Michael Bolton and KFC
Is it just me, or is anyone else in the mood to pop on some Michael Bolton and chow down on some KFC? Okay, moving on….
The solo date goes well for Jenn
He has chosen the prettiest two on the show, for his first two solo dates, and this week it was Jenn following an incredible date with Daisy last week. Like Daisy, she did well to show some vulnerability. I don’t think he cares for the “broken home” scenario that popped up on their date, but he didn’t show much emotion either way. Jenn got the rose to move on, but I’m not sure where they go from there. The beach scene seemed a bit staged quote honestly.
Tennis anyone?
This is so lame; I hate when they take what the guy does for a living and turn it into a date. I thought the costumes and names like “Hotdog and Bun” were fun, but honestly, could have done without it. Katelyn got the rose, as he keeps picking the best-looking women on the show to advance, such as her, Jenn, Daisy and Kelsey thus far. I mean, it’s early on, so I cannot blame him. Going for looks always works out, well, actually it doesn’t. But it’s good for ratings at least!
In the end
He kept both Sydney and Maria around for ratings sake. But I assure you, I wouldn’t expect either one to get all the way to hometowns.
Evalin, Chrisa and Starr went home.
Next week there are two episodes, how the Hell am I supposed to get anything done?
[Spoken Intro: The Lonely Island, Secretary, & Michael Bolton]
Guys, Michael Bolton is here
Oh, great, send him in
Hey, guys!
Hey! Hi! Thanks for coming!
Sorry I’m late, I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon. Have you seen those things?
Oh, yeah, yeah, those are… those are great
Well, I checked out the track and I loved it. And I wrote you this big, sexy hook I think you’re gonna really dig
Oh wow, that’s great. You wanna just lay it down?
Boys, lets get to it
[Sung Intro: Andy & Michael Bolton]
Here we go
Uh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton
Yeah!
The night starts now
Together on the track
The boys are back
The night starts now
[Verse 1: Andy & Michael Bolton]
The night starts now, baby, roll with us
Chickies snapping at the neck when we rolling up (Rolling up)
Club front doors, ain’t no holding up (Yeah)
Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck (Come on!)
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[Verse 2: Jorma & Michael Bolton]
Ladies shifty eyed when we walk into the set
Fuck the fellas looking jealous, play that back and get wet (Yeah, yeah!)
Three pound at my waist, shank in my sock (Oh)
You either get cut, get stuffed, or get shot
[Chorus: Michael Bolton & Andy]
This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow
A pirate so brave on the seven seas (What?)
A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga
Raven locks sway on the ocean breeze
[Verse 3: Akiva & Michael Bolton]
Yeah, that was kind of weird, but we’re back in the club
Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love (Keira Knightley!)
Motherfucking iceman, I’m the top gunner
Heater on blast, I’m the number one stunner (Jack Sparrow!)
[Verse 4: Andy & Michael Bolton]
Watch your girl because I ain’t your Mr. Nice Guy
More like the “Meet you, take you home and fuck you twice” guy (Yeah, yeah)
All dressed up with nowhere to run
That’s know I make you feel crazy when I— (Now back to the good part!)
[Chorus: Michael Bolton, Andy, Jorma & Akiva]
From the day he was born, he yearned for adventure (no!)
Oh, Captain Jack (Yeah), giving them what-for
He’s the pauper of the surf (uh huh), the jester of Tortuga
But in Davy Jones’ locker, what lies in store? (Yeah, we’ve seen the movie)
[Bridge: Andy, Jorma, & Michael Bolton]
Put your hands in the air and say “Hell yeah,” come on
Captain Jack! What? Johnny Depp! No
From the front to the back, say “We count stacks,” come on
Davy Jones! Nope! Giant squid! Wrong
[Interlude: Akiva, Michael Bolton, & Andy]
Michael Bolton, we’re really gonna need you to focus up
Roger that, let me try with another film (Wait)
[Chorus: Michael Bolton, Andy, Akiva, & Jorma]
Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (not better)
Though I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, I give Jenny all my love (come on!)
Okay, then I’m a legal aide, Erin Brockovich is my name (oh, God)
Then you can call me Scarface, snortin’ mountains of cocaine
(close enough)
[Interlude: Michael Bolton]
You cockroaches wanna play rough?
Okay, I’m reloaded! Ha ha!
[Chorus: Michael Bolton & Akiva]
This is the tale of Tony Montana (this is the tale!)
Cubano flame with Miamian guns (take it home!)
Got a basehead wife (yeah), her womb is polluted (woo!)
This whole town’s a pussy just waiting to get fucked (to get fucked!) (whoa!)
[Outro: Andy & Michael Bolton]
Okay, it turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile
You complete me!
Yeah, yeah okay