by Busy Time, Fake That I’m Fine
Once it hit August, my schedule really started to ramp up. I was regularly at Browns training camp and spent many hours at their facility. Due to no longer needing to practice or travel with the soccer team, I asked 19 News if they would need me for the fall to help with football season. It is their busy time of the year and they seemed to be eager to have me back for another five months.
Browns training camp was still going on when Baldwin Wallace Men’s Soccer returned for their season and started to train. I began taking pictures and video for them when I was not a couple blocks away at the Browns facility. In my spare time, I would then edit the video clips and post on social media for the soccer team.
Soon, my last semester of college began and so did BW athletic events which meant lots of games to call. I found myself with a tough and hectic schedule. Perhaps I had taken on too much but it never gave me time to think about how miserable I felt.
I had several classes and my capstone, went to several men’s soccer practices a week, edited videos, served as a commentator on all football, men’s and women’s soccer home games and hosted the press conferences after those games. Fridays and Sundays were devoted to 19 News. I spent Friday nights at several high school football games and then stayed late at the station downtown. Sundays started with Tailgate 19 (Browns pregame show), then the game either at the stadium or just watching on TV at the station with Fifth Quarter (Browns postgame show) wrapping it all up.
In my final semester of college, I probably skipped more classes than I ever had in total throughout my entire college career. Sometimes it was because I had another obligation like Indians pregame interviews in the clubhouse but other times it was because I needed that time to do homework for another class or my body couldn’t handle it anymore. I barely slept and was a walking zombie.
I had seen a counselor a few times and my mind staying busy had started to help me with the PTSD. I was also off the medicines at this point which seemed to drastically help. That nagging anxiety I never had before still remained and so did the tonsillitis. The hard spot in my neck was getting larger and I started to feel some acid reflux developing. I was no longer getting sick every single day but still would occasionally. I was nowhere near normal again but saw some improvement.
I no longer felt haunted by the thought of eating all the time and I began getting more solid food in my system. Although there was more solid food, I was still drinking lots of Ensures, mostly snacking and only eating one full meal per day. That still offered some new encouragement.
Despite feeling better in many ways, I was barely getting by because I was pushing myself so hard. By the end of October, I still could not get rid of the tonsillitis, so it was time to schedule a surgery especially since eating was still tough. I was at least starting to develop a glimmer of hope.
